Hi. My name is moritz, and I'm an addict.
Do you know why they make you say that each time?
Denial, that's why.
For nearly two cycles, I've been living in denial.
It started with a free sample. A classical tactic, and I fell for it. Stupid, right? That what everybody tells you -- don't accept anything from strangers that goes inside your body.
At the start, I wanted nothing to do with it, but I didn't have the strength to just throw it away, or give it away.
It lasted three days. Three days of insane productivity, of short rest cycles, of laser-sharp focus. Of gym sessions twice as long as before.
And then, it left me. I felt down.
I wanted more.
I spent hard-earned Bonds to buy more.
I worked like crazy for the friendly ghosts, and occasionally they gave me some.
I searched the Ruins, and found some.
In retrospect, I must have been quite lucky. I never found as much as in those early days.
Then the stores wouldn't sell me more than one dose per 700 Segments.
The friendly ghosts stopped giving those rewards.
My luck in the ruins ran out.
But by now, I had acquired some wealth, and other adventurers helped me. In those two cycles, I must have spent over two million credits on my drug.
I have killed about thirty Ruin Rats, and exchanged the loot for three days of my drug. Ruin Rats is what I call them. They are people. What have I become?
By now, I have accepted that I'm an addict.
I try to go without.
At first, I just managed a few segments.
Now it's days.
Every time I give in, it feels like I lost the battle against myself.
But the particles curse through my veins, making me strong and productive.
Today, I had a relapse. I spent more than a quarter of a million.
But I haven't use it yet. I'm still trying to resist.
Who am I to fight the Chemist?
Re: Talking About Mental Health Posted from Yards of Gadani (Alpha Centauri) by Dotsent at 199.51/94:527 GCT
My friend, I feel your pain. And yes, I am an addict too. I know this strange feeling when I can somehow go on without any food or drink not even for days, but for cycles and still feel myself "well" through the power of those nano-particles. Then, hundreds of rations are burnt in a single short, yet extremely powerful metabolism burst; I literally feel muscles growing on me in a matter of segments and most of Gym patrons flee from my triumphant roar... and then it's suddenly over.
However, I have found out that it is possible to escape this. It takes a lot of time and discipline though. You have to constantly stop yourself from thinking like "I could have easily done twice as much if I had VIP" - and.. . it's not fun.
Also, don't get discouraged if it doesn't work from the first try. Keep in mind, that you are actually opposing very powerful forces when you stand against your addiction, and only real dedication to your values can help you fight those forces. Just think about that: when you take another dose of VIP, those damn bookworms and bureaucrats from Gov't Center start to help you! You get to request Gaule visa at any Gov't Center and they even will store some rations for you. This seems insane, but it actually proves that Consortium and Gaule are in that case together. I don't know what does it mean, but one thing is clear: this whole deal with VIP is controlled by both governments. So, keep trying - and take your time.
Re: Re: Talking About Mental Health Posted from Nouveau Limoges (Sol) by CONCORD at 201.28/48:476 GCT
My advise here is to deny yourself the VIP packs. Don't buy them, and when you find them, just sell them. (On a side note I'm sorry for selling you all those VIP packs over the cycles.)
Re: Talking About Mental Health Posted from Nouveau Limoges (Sol) by Bob-Simpson at 201.28/58:952 GCT
I'll help you. Don't open them. Give them to me. I will take care of the disposal.
Re: Re: Talking About Mental Health Posted from Taungoo Station (Sol) by CONCORD at 201.29/43:140 GCT
Ya sure. "Disposal".
Re: Talking About Mental Health Posted from Nouveau Limoges (Sol) by Xierumeng at 201.28/73:283 GCT
Hi, I'm Xierumeng, and I'm also an addict.
I've been riding the high since the start of 199. At first it was just "a few days". A few tenspans. Now it's a few cycles. VIP simply feels normal, and I'm not looking forward to the crash at the end of the third quarter of 204.
Perhaps it's time to create an organization to help us. VIP Anonymous. A treatment centre for those of us addicted to those blasted particles.
Re: Re: Talking About Mental Health Posted from København (Sol) by Bob-Simpson at 201.29/18:084 GCT
Yes, treat me with the particles.
I'm not an addict.
Re: Talking About Mental Health Posted from Alpha Centauri Jump Gate (Alpha Centauri) by Indecision at 201.54/60:358 GCT
I suddenly feel glad that I never had the opportunity to get addicted to that... not that I don't enjoy some from time to time.