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Mad Weapons Testing

A luxury problem, that's what I call it.

In the past quarter cycle or so, my searches in the Ruins of Yards of Gadani was so successful that my large storage locker was nearly full. I would have loved to buy more storage space, but regulations blah blah blah.

Time to sell some of these armors and weapons!

But which should I sell, which should I keep?

I can't stand the thought of keeping something inferior, and selling something superior. Price is not a concern, but there are so many ways to compare weapons!

Some are more accurate than others, but heavier, or they cause less damage, or maybe a different kind of damage? But if a weapon is too complicated to use for some less experienced users, then it might do them no good at all.

I bought some of my pals a few rounds in the bar, and convinced them to compare weapons. To be honest, they didn't need too much convincing. So we went to a quiet section in the Ruins, and started shooting guns at metal sheets, hacked with sabres through plastic poles, and swung electric stun weapons at steel wool. All the while we took careful notes on how much damage each weapon did, and how often we missed the targets.

After the first segment, we stopped and fetched ear plugs. It's hard to overstate the noise that we made!

I was thoughtful enough to inform security services in advance; I'm sure they were a bit uncomfortable, but there's no law against testing weapons, as long as you don't hurt anybody, and the safety of the station as a whole is not in danger. Still, I think they watched us pretty closely, I caught a glimpse of two or three agents keeping lookout.

First, we divided the weapons into two groups by ease of use, and dealt with them separately. We used the following working definition:

Weapon A is strictly inferior to B if and only if

  • A and B are in the same ease-of-use group
  • B is more accurate than A
  • A is heavier than B
  • A does the same kind of damage as B, but less than B

Bashing weapons against mock targets was fun, analyzing the results less so; but I had a goal in mind, so I figured and cyphered, and came up with the following pairs of weapons, where the left column is strictly inferior to the right:

 worse                         better                         
 Aged Stun Baton               Half-Broken Multi-Tool         
 Basic Blackjack               Worn Carbon Nunchaku           
 Basic Club                    Suppression                    
 Battery-Rigged Short Plank    Dulled Bolt Cutters            
 Carbon Mace                   Soldering Wand                 
 Carby                         G-009                          
 Cargo Crank                   Rusty Iron Baton               
 Charge Cable                  Half-Broken Multi-Tool         
 Charged-Tip Copper Pipe       Dulled Bolt Cutters            
 Copper Wire Knuckles          Half-Broken Multi-Tool         
 Crate Hammer                  Frayed Lead Sap Gloves         
 Crude Charge Maul             Industrial Grade Soldering Iron
 DiplomatC28                   The Legion’s Horn              
 Filtration Pipe               Suppression                    
 Furnace Pistol                G-220E                         
 G-007E                        G-009E                         
 G-4                           G-009                          
 Homemade Taser                Half-Broken Multi-Tool         
 Interconnected Steel Rings    Shock Knuckles                 
 Iron Baton                    Suppression                    
 Kiyoshi Stick                 Shock Knuckles                 
 Little Sputter                G-009                          
 Mama's Pride                  G-220                          
 Metal Shank                   Antique Tantō                  
 OfficerC1                     G-220                          
 OfficerC2                     The Legion’s Horn              
 OfficerC3                     The Legion’s Horn              
 Officer's Spark Nightstick    Industrial Grade Soldering Iron
 Old Shoe                      Crude Manriki                  
 Pole Pike                     Rusted Butterfly Knife         
 Primitive Tonfa               Pipe                           
 Pulse Rifle                   Red Dwarf                      
 PVP Pipe                      Frayed Lead Sap Gloves         
 Ragtag Handgun                TalentC18                      
 Recogrete Pin                 Frayed Lead Sap Gloves         
 Rusty Steel Pole              Shock Knuckles                 
 Ship Breaker's Multitool      Shock Knuckles                 
 Shredder                      G-220                          
 Simple Student’s Katana       Rusty Shotel                   
 Small Pylon Brace             Pipe                           
 Snub Laser                    G-220E                         
 Spark Charge                  The Legion’s Horn              
 Stun Stick                    Half-Broken Multi-Tool         
 Thin Steel Pole               Pipe with Grip                 
 Time-Worn Stun Baton          Soldering Wand                 
 Vera                          G-220                          
 3D Printer Brush Attachment   Juggler's Sticks             
 Antique SMG                   G-YoG                          
 Bagh Naka                     Juggler's Sticks             
 Big Top                       G-YoG                          
 Charged Tonfa                 Cylindrical Mineral Sample     
 Consortium Stun Baton         Knuckles-the-Clown             
 Cudgel                        Cylindrical Mineral Sample     
 Damaged Stun Baton            Knuckles-the-Clown             
 Deep Burn                     G-PS8E                         
 DisturbanceC11                G-PS8E                         
 ENT-SMG                       Crop DusterV2                  
 Epee                          Respectable Wakizashi          
 Filament Knuckle Wrap         Juggler's Sticks             
 Gaule Protectorate Stun Baton Knuckles-the-Clown             
 G-PS1                         G-YoG                          
 G-RM                          G-YoG                          
 G-RPS4                        G-YoG                          
 Independence et Liberté      Meat Knife                     
 Knuckle Irons                 Old Copper Pipe                
 Kyarr Sun                     Consortium Jian                
 Maulstick                     Juggler's Sticks             
 Miner’s Mace                  Old Copper Pipe                
 Molybdenum Baston             Knuckles-the-Clown             
 Molybdenum Hanbō              Old Copper Pipe                
 Muai Cad Chuke                Juggler's Sticks             
 Naboot                        Heated Prod                    
 Nickle Head Mace              Old Copper Pipe                
 Old Shotgun                   Tenderizer                     
 Old SMG                       G-PS8E                         
 One Life Kaiken               Consortium Jian                
 Paris Sabre                   Respectable Wakizashi          
 Platinum Cestus               Old Copper Pipe                
 Platinum Security Baton       Old Copper Pipe                
 Protectorate Dao              Sharpened Ice Club             
 RepeaterC2                    G-YoG                          
 Rhenium Blackjack             Old Copper Pipe                
 Rhenium Club                  Heated Prod                    
 Scabbard                      Respectable Wakizashi          
 Scrumsettler                  Juggler's Sticks             
 Security Katana               Respectable Wakizashi          
 Sharpened Shiv                Meat Knife                     
 Spatula                       Juggler's Sticks             
 Strange Thing                 Knuckles-the-Clown             
 Taungoo Vajra                 Heated Prod                    
 Traveler's Maul               Knuckles-the-Clown             
 Truncheon                     Heated Prod                    
 Tuck                          Meat Knife                     
 Zeni Espantoon                Heated Prod                    
 Aged Kodachi                  Unusual Stone Dagger           

Then I spent a few cycles negotiating good deals for selling the weapons in the left column.

Mad Weapons Testing signing off for the day!


  1. Well done and interesting results! Interesting to see how the armor behaves :) Also it might be interesting to conduct a similar research on the less sophisticated weapons - this would be beneficial for our more recently joined colleagues.

    P.S. It looks like the column titles and description in the sentence preceding the table contradict each other?

  2. I'm currently not in the possession of even less sophisticated weapons (or at least not enough to do comparative research); if you have them, I'll be happy to analyze your for you!

    (And thanks, I've fixed the column headings).

  3. You've got more patience than I, my friend. I've contented myself with wandering from vendor to vendor in the various Markets and asking what they think. I figure they have far more experience evaluating weapons (and armor) than I ever will. And, remarkably enough, they seem to be completely uniform in their pricing. You might expect there'd be someone willing to haggle, or offering too little in the hope of fleecing some naive tourist, but no, literally every vendor--even on different stations--seems to offer the exact same amount for each item. So I tend to assume that whichever weapon is worth more is also the generally superior one. Simplistic, I know, but as I said I lack your patience. And your ambition, which by the way is commendable.