Hemingway’s Megamporium on Ross 248 is a unique place. A place where credits punctuate sentences and the only bonds people don’t break are the one’s in the bank. Join us for a late night talk show straight from the station everyone’s been talking about. A show about ancient entertainment and whatever else crosses Amanda Huggins’ mind. Welcome to the first installment of, “The Midnight Spot”.
Amanda: Welcome. Welcome. We’re coming to you live -and a little sleepy- from Ross 248. That’s the better Ross for all you 154 fans. That’s right. I said it. Feel free to call in and tell me I’m wrong. That’s 1800-BITEME to all three of my listeners out there.
Amanda: All kidding aside. Have I got a show for you! It’s here somewhere…. I kid, I kid. Have a seat, pull up one of those new fangled BeDyne hovering trouser accessories and pop a squat where you stand. Available at “Legs Go Here” -just opened next to us on the third tier. Check them out. Check them out. “Legs Go Here” the store with more…. For your legs. Who’s writing this copy?
Chuck: By the Black Amanda, just read what the card says.
Amanda: Really? That’s the best a store that just sells pants can come up with?
Chuck: I’ve had a long, long, long day -and I could do without losing another sponsor. Just read the cards. Just read the cards!
Amanda: You come in here and read the cards. I didn’t study ancient entertainment and Betamax conversion to hock discount pants. But, I’m a professional. So. I’ll go on.
Amanda: Welcome to “The Midnight Spot”. The show that comes to you in the middle of the night, from the middle of nowhere. I am your very tired, not-so-fresh host Amanda Huggins. Right off my shift at “Tomorrow’s Memories” here on the Megamporium -the Station that Never Sleeps.
And now a quick word from our sponsors…. Ugh. Another one? I haven’t even started yet!
Chuck: Read the damn cards!
Amanda: “The Moemedi Nightcap” -the sleeping pill that sings you to sleep: literally. Awake on a station that never sleeps? Can’t get any shut eye? Try the “Nightcap” from Moemedi. Swallow it and sing your favorite tune to yourself in the voice of your choosing!
Amanda: Hey, Chuck. This actually sounds pretty cool? You try this yet?
Chuck: Yeah. I picked up a pack last week. I sing myself to sleep every night now. I got a prescription of Bette Midlers. Every night I’m the wind beneath my own wings.
Amanda: Get outta here! Moemedi Medical has the rights to Bette Midler?
Chuck: Yup. They picked up a whole slew of ancient entertainment talents. They’ve got Elvis, Stallone, Zappa, the Buddha -all the Old Earth crooners.
Amanda: I might actually try those. I’m serious. Really. Hey. Unrelated. I’ve been brainstorming better slogans for the System.
Chuck: Not again. You know we almost got booted after your last one.
Amanda: Who knew any of the execs listen to this show? They should all be singing themselves to sleep at this hour. Can you picture VP Haussman snorting out the Pointer Sisters between snores and apnea fits? Hear me out. “The System that Never Sleeps” isn’t bad, but we all know the pinheads in marketing just lifted that from the Old Earth Atlas.
Chuck: Amanda…. I need this job. I don’t want to get sent back down to handling. You don’t want to know what they make you handle down there.
Amanda: He’s got to do something about his weight. He fell asleep in front of me during a pitch meeting. He can’t live at Jolyne’s Rib Emporium the way he does. His heart is going to explode like a space piñata on Cinco de Marso.
Chuck: Those ribs are good though. You’d never think they’re made from recycled fungal feces.
Amanda: Right? So good. (a pause) You ever get the feeling we talk like one long, uninterrupted ad? All I do is pitch places without even knowing it.
Chuck: Comes with the station. Live up on København, you talk ships. Live on Daedalus you talk shit. Live on the Megamporium you talk shop.
Amanda: That’s a good one too. It’s even better than mine. “The Megamporium! Talk Shop!” I had “The Megamporium! Shop Til You Drop …. More Money” but yours is tighter.
Chuck: Tighter and lighter on the cynicism. Can we get back to it? Please. We do have a show on air.
Amanda: Right. Right. He’s right, he is. Dear listeners drifting lonely and aimless in space -have I got a show for you. Chuck and I have been reviewing footage we find in the darkest corners of the Mesh. Chuck (short for Charlie, but Charlie ain’t short -no sir, that Mall is two meters tall and change) uncovered this circus footage while scouring the darker corners of the fabric that binds us electronically for information on the fabled Floating Circus of Falstaff.
Amanda: If these recordings weren’t hilarious and entertaining in their own right, they’d be worth their weight in Iridium for historic value alone. On that note a quick word from our sponsor: WE BUY IRIDIUM.TAU. That’s right -convert that Iridium you have lying around into cold, hard -well virtual- credits. WE BUY IRIDIUM.TAU is the largest Iridium buyer on the mesh. They’ll match any price.
Chuck: Bravo. You did it. And without gagging or making any snide remarks. Another happy sponsor. Was that so hard?
Amanda: I feel so dirty.
Chuck: Try “SkinBeGone! By Moemedi!” Skin Be Gone -the only pommade that replaces your skin entirely. Why clean when you can shed? Be a new and better you. With the Moemedi SkinBeGone! Now with new skin colors! Exclusively at Elizabeth Harden’s on the Megamporium!
Amanda: I hate you Chuck.
Chuck: Beats handling. Trust me.
Amanda: Handle these. This is Amanda Huggins with The Midnight Spot signing off.
Chuck: Such vulgar gestures from a lady…
Amanda: Does Moemedi make a ChuckBeGone?