Joe “Sparky” Sparkouski lead journalist and editor for the Interstellar Enquirer is coming to a Tau Station Mission near you! Stay tuned for the system and the station: it’s not where you think it is! Sparky is your man on the streets -your eyes in the stars! (don’t think too hard about that one). Hard-hitting journalism that’s not just punching in the dark -it’s punching straight into the void!
The Truth You Can’t Handle!
The Current Event Horizon!
Largest Circulation in the Galaxy
Editor: Joe “Sparky” Sparkouski
Lead Journalist: Joe “Sparky” Sparkouski
Research Editor: Joe “Sparky” Sparkouski
In this ISSUE!
PROMETHEANS Gone Wild! Clone Genocide on Little Earth!
Man JUGGLES Babies!
Space Elvis LIVES
And We’re Talking About the Real King! Not Some Star-Studded Jumpsuit Clone!
The Clone-Zombie APOCALYPSE is near.
What the Consortium Won’t Tell You!
The Intergalactic Royal Family You’ve Never Heard Of!
They Control More Systems You Know**
Your CORETECHS is Spying On You!
MALevolent Dynamics! Page 34***
Jump Gate of LOVE!
The illicit ménage à trois between a Gaule official, a Promethean high priest and the CEO of a major corporation (not Anima****) that no one is talking about…. But should be!
WHO Are 3V? And Why Are These Space Communists A Front For An Intergalactic Drug Smuggling Ring?*****
*Potentially. Actual number of dead may vary. Tolerance in variation 1 – 999. Find out for yourself by visiting L 726-8 A and play the mission, “One Life on Little Earth”.
**You’re an InterStellar Enquirer reader, how many systems could you possibly name?
*** There is no page 34. Read all about the conspiracy to delete page numbers in our next issue (on page 57)
**** It’s totally Anima
***** And why do we feel the need to capitalize every word in the sentence?
And a Special Thanks to Our Sponsors:
No ONE. That’s right! NO ONE. Our reporting is 108% independent (that’s a number -you can’t say it isn’t). We’re not beholden to corporate interests, political agendas, public opinion, or common sense.
THE INTERSTELLAR ENQUIRER
We’re not accountable to anyone!
Least of all YOU!